An entertaining mess: Impact 12-3-09

My usual format for reviewing shows is cover the main storyline in a bit of detail, then bulletpoint the rest of the show after the cut.  That usually works just fine.

But not for Impact…and not for TNA in general.  One would assume the main focus of the show would be the TNA World title, currently held by AJ Styles, but he’s certainly not in the spotlight.  A more likely candidate would be the feud between Kurt Angle and Desmond Wolfe, but it doesn’t really seem to have much on the line.  Sure, Bobby Lashley won a #1 contender’s tournament last week, but his title shot is at least a month away as his feud with Scott Steiner continues.  So what is the focus of the show?

That would be Hulk Hogan.  Did you hear that Hulk Hogan is coming to TNA?

Except don’t look for him next week.  Or at the PPV.  Or most of next month.  Rumor has it that he’ll finally appear at the January PPV, just long enough for the buzz to have either died down or gotten so heavy that his return could not possibly live up to the expectations.  While we wait, we are given another character-changing storyline in which Mick Foley is losing his mind about why he wasn’t in the loop about Hogan to begin with, even though every single person tells him not to worry about it.  And it doesn’t really work – Foley’s paranoia is completely pointless.  If he’s the majority shareholder of TNA, he really can’t be ‘fired’, which he is obviously afraid of.  He’s being crazy for the sake of crazy…and it really is getting old.

Not very good, huh?

  • The Desmond Wolfe/Kurt Angle feud is definitely the highlight of TNA.  The two are both excellent on the mic and display the necessary intensity to keep this feud going strong.  Intensity is one of the three I’s after all.  Their match at Final Resolution will be 2 of 3 falls in which the first fall is pinfall, the second is submission, and the third is from the six sides of steel.  This is excellent news.
  • Alex Shelley picked up a win over Brutus Magnus after both men’s partners were sent away from ringside.  I remember when Shelley and Chris Sabin were doing comedy commentary – and now they’re getting wins over the tag champs.  Also good news.
  • The Pope asked Suicide to be on his team for an 8-man match at the PPV, but Suicide didn’t trust him after their feud.  So Dinero saves Suicide from being unmasked by Homicide, yet Suicide still isn’t having it.  Finally, Suicide saves Dinero from Jesse Neal, and decides to trust him.  Amazing the difference 45 minutes makes, huh?
  • Foley spoke to D’Lo Brown backstage about Hulk Hogan.  There’s really nothing much here – I just wanted to mention that D’Lo was on the show.
  • Tara dissed the WWE to ODB.  And good for her.  ODB slapped her anyway and called her a phony.
  • Kevin Nash and Eric Young defeated Beer Money, Inc. and then Foley came out and asked Kevin Nash about (you guessed it) Hulk Hogan.  Nash hinted that he was considering ‘putting the band back together.’  Better keep the minibar stocked.
  • Bobby Lashley and Kristal talked about Scott Steiner.  Not his title shot.
  • Daniels has the Beautiful People attack Lauren during his match with Abyss, giving him the win.  He then calls out AJ, who is attacked by the mystery assailant on his way to the ring…like a sucker.
  • Dixie Carter gives an ‘exclusive’ about Sting, Jeff Jarrett and Hulk Hogan without really saying anything.  More on that below.
  • Hamada and Sarita had a terrific match.  I remember when the entire Knockouts roster used to do stuff like this.  Now they have talk shows.
  • Foley set Kurt Angle up in a handicap match against Raven and Dr. Stevie because apparently he’s cool with them since Kurt Angle wouldn’t bash Hulk Hogan.  Seriously.  Abyss distracted and Angle got the win, only for Wolfe to attack him to close the show.

Looking Back
All right, I know I haven’t been watching TNA for a couple weeks, but what the hell happened?  This doesn’t seem like the same place it was just a month ago.  Is Eric Young still leading the World Elite?  Where were Samoa Joe and Awesome Kong?  Did Foley turn heel?  Didn’t he just turn heel last month?  I’m going to sum up things with more bullet points.

  • A few months ago, it was a big deal that Dixie Carter had never appeared on TV before.  If you’re going to advertise her saying something, you may want to make it substantial, or her impact will quickly fade.  She basically said that both Sting and Jarrett could come back if they wanted to, and that Hogan will be great for TNA.  None of that is new.  None of that is important.  Why even bother with it?
  • I’m still questioning the point of the Knockouts Tag Team titles, as Taylor Wilde didn’t even come out with her partner.  I’m close to removing them from the side panel, as I have a feeling they’ll quietly fade away.
  • What is the point of having a #1 contender tournament if a) there’s already a #1 contender and b) the guy that wins it is already in a feud?  Bobby Lashley is effectively the #2 contender, behind Daniels.
  • Didn’t Tomko reappear last week?  No follow up on that?  Why did you even bother showing him?  If he’s the AJ Styles attacker, why not hold him until he’s ready to unmask?  Is it trying to shake the ‘smart marks’?  How very Russo.
  • Tara’s been around a little too long to be doing the phony gimmick.  Has she not proved herself in TNA in the months she’s been there?
  • Seriously – getting the band back together?  The nWo, the Outsiders, the Wolfpac or any combination of the groups have been beaten into the ground.  How long will Scott Hall make it this go ’round before he gets himself fired?
  • Of course, having Jeff Jarrett’s voice on the show is a sure bet that he’ll be back – probably before the PPV.
  • I’m sick of Hulk Hogan already…and he’s still over a month away.

One Response to An entertaining mess: Impact 12-3-09

  1. J. R. says:

    I have been watching Impact for the past several weeks, and these past two weeks have been utterly confusing.

    The WWE dissing by ODB seemed more like resentment, since she had been under a developmental deal but was never called up.

    I still don’t understand the point in naming a #1 contender if they definitely are not going to get the next title shot. I was especially confused after hearing in this week’s show that Beer Money was not eligible for another title shot. It seems like perfect since to have Steiner cost Lashley the match, and give Beer Money a shot at the tag titles.

    If they want to play up Foley being upset that Hogan is coming to TNA, then he should be angry about it, not insecure.

    Every time I hear them mention Hogan, I keep thinking about Glacier.

    I’m pretty sure I heard Tennay talk about Nash bringing about HBK. I always keep forgetting that it was Nash that encouraged HBK to throw Jannety through the barbershop window.

    I was just thinking that it was odd that the mysterious attacker hadn’t been mentioned in a while, and there he is.

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