The stumble to Genesis: Impact 1/15/2010

It’s a new era of TNA!  Hulk Hogan has arrived!  Eric Bischoff has arrived!  Err…the Nasty Boys have arrived!  There was a ton of ‘holy crap’ moments in last week’s 3 hour extravaganza, but now that we’ve calmed down and returned to Thursday, where does TNA go from here?

Actually…nowhere.  Out of the amazing match Kurt Angle and AJ Styles had last week, we quickly learn that the PPV match between the two that had originally been cancelled is now back on.  Thank goodness they let us all see it for free first, huh?  But as Styles and Angle confronted each other in the ring, we got the resolution of the on-again/off-again angle of the mystery attacker who revealed himself to be Tomko.  Told you so.

So we get a title match between AJ Styles and Tomko to bury the angle in a few minutes after months of build up.  Styles wins, Tomko’s a punk, jealous over his former partner’s success, and Ric Flair is up to something.  Interested in Genesis yet?  It’s this week!

Oh, and Hulk Hogan got mentioned a whole lot.  And that sentence was typed thanks to the arrival of Hulk Hogan.  So was that one.

The rest of the show was a little hit and a lot of foul tip.

  • The tag team formerly known as the Young Bucks debuted in the opening match as Jeremy and Max, collectively known as Generation Me.  Seriously, that’s their name.  They could have just called them “God Awfully Named Tag Team” and saved themselves the trouble.  The name aside, the Bucks (which I will continue to call them) burned the house down against the Motor City Machine Guns.  The match was frickin’ awesome.  Lots of reversals, high flying, quick tags, vicious moves, and the Bucks pulled the upset win.  Tragic shame about the name, though.  The commentators quickly praised Hogan for putting on such a great match.  And no, I’m not kidding.
  • Backstage, the Nasty Boys have destroyed Team 3D’s locker room and make some lame poop jokes before laughing at Team 3D for being locked out of their own room.  Team 3D would come back later and simply kick the door open (after some axe chopping) and get their asses handed to them by their nemeses.
  • Let me restate that.  The Nasty Boys beat the crap out of Team 3D.  Let that one sink in.
  • The nWo Band had an interview with Rob Bartlett Bubba the Love Sponge in which they took five minutes to say absolutely nothing.  That would be longer than most of the matches on the show.
  • A running plot thread is that Mick Foley has been missing since his beat down last week at the hands of the Band.  But it’s on Jeremy Borash’s head, since he was the one that let Foley in the building last week.
  • The Beautiful People lost quite quickly to Awesome Kong and Hamada, but that’s not important.  In the front row was Angelina Love, who rushed to the ring after Madison Rayne took a vicious Awesome Bomb.  Instead of helping, Love took out Lacey Von Erich and Velvet Skye, obviously upset at being replaced in the group.
  • Beer Money request a match against Scott Hall and Kevin Nash for Genesis before losing to Hernandez and Matt Morgan by disqualification (see next point).  The Band came out and beat them down, just in time for Bischoff to come out, act all buddy-buddy with the three of them and make the match.  For Starrcade.  1997.  Sting looked on from the rafters, evidently not willing to speak until he figures out what year it is.
  • Apparently, Matt Morgan and Hernandez’s one move win over Raven and Dr. Stevie was enough to get them a tag title shot against the British Invasion.  Big Rob Terry attacked Hernandez during the match, but neither Doug Williams nor Brutus Magnus appeared on the episode.  Before the PPV.  Good for them.
  • Lethal Consequences (who apparently are tagging again) were set to lose to compete against Team 3D, but they were demolished by Lashley during their entrances.  Kristal said that Lashley would be destroying all of TNA until they got their meeting with Hogan.  Sorry, dude – the Band beat you to it by a week.  And it was odd that Kristal still called him “Mr. Hogan” despite their anger towards the company.  How polite of her.
  • Still keeping with the old, tired gimmick, Val Venis Sean Morley explained that he would be starting a TNA Films division, which was implied to be a group that makes porn.  If you were a WWF fan ten years ago, you’d have picked that up.  Daniels came out and beat him up.
  • Desmond Wolfe defeated Samoa Joe clean.  The guy that lost to D’Angelo Dinero last week beat Samoa Joe clean.  Hope he still has ROH’s number.
  • Ric Flair arrived by limo in the Impact Zone only an hour and a half late.
  • Jeff Jarrett confronted Hulk Hogan and even brought a lawyer to do something or other.  The segment was supposed to make Hogan all bright and friendly and make Jarrett look like the big heel, but they both came off looking like assholes.  Good work there.

Looking back
My, this certainly was a mess, wasn’t it?  And this is the go-home show before the PPV.  Can’t wait to see the buy rates on this one.  So many things had me shaking my head on this one.

  • It had leaked pretty early that the attacker was going to be Tomko, but to try to throw the “smart” fans off, they had Tomko give an interview to say he was back.  But then he didn’t reappear.  How did that make it less obvious?  This was a growing storyline for months, and apparently no one wanted to finish it out so they just cut it off.  I’m not sure if I prefer this or just having the attacks stop.  It seems like such a letdown.
  • The Hogan praising is getting way past the limits of ridiculous.  Taz and Tenay actually thanked Hogan in unison after the Young Bucks/Motor City Machine Guns match.  Hogan himself only showed up in one brief segment.
  • Brother Ray said some words about the Nasty Boys, mainly about their obscurity, their girth and their dependence on Hogan to get into TNA.  And he was absolutely right on all counts.  Here’s hoping they don’t last long.
  • The same is true with Bubba the Love Sponge.  Christy Hemme may not be the best backstage interviewer, but at least she’s quite easy on the eyes.
  • Surely they could have come up with a better name than “The Band” for the nWo Retirement Program.  Everything they do screams “way past their prime”.  And what of Mick Foley?  Did they kidnap him?  Are they holding him hostage?  Should we even care anymore?
  • Besides the Young Bucks, the bright point of the show was the return of Angelina Love.  She hasn’t lost a single step in her months away from TNA.
  • It looks like Beer Money gets the job of falling to The Band first.  That is a shame.
  • Sting in the rafters?  What for?  He is far past that point.
  • Samoa Joe got buried this week.  I don’t know what his outlook is going forward, but it really doesn’t help anything by having him job like this.
  • The people who did not appear on the show may speak volumes about the new direction of TNA.  Amongst those MIA were Homicide, Suicide, Amazing Red, Eric Young, Kiyoshi, the British Invasion, Scott Steiner, Raven, Dr. Stevie, Abyss, Jesse Neal, Rhino and almost all of the Knockouts.  We did get multiple sequences with the Nasty Boys and the Band, though.
  • The Val Venis schtick was pretty awful.  When Daniels attacked Morley, he actually had to yell at the crowd to get them to stop cheering him.  It’s sad that a TNA standard is the heel specifically because he wants the crap out of his company.  Just for stopping Morley’s promo, though, Daniels gets my Star of the Show.
  • Oh, and TNA – if you’re going to show ladies in the audience enjoying your porn star, you might want to look for ones that are actually smiling.

So there you have it.  As of this week, TNA is not getting better.  It’s becoming a different level of bad.

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2 Responses to The stumble to Genesis: Impact 1/15/2010

  1. manof1004gimmicks says:

    It’s not a great restart when your first match blows the roof off the arena only for the rest of the show to be so flat they could build a new one on top of it. Why didn’t you mention their mystery superstar/new #1 contender to appear at Genesis?

    • Masked Marvel says:

      Those weren’t big deals on Impact. I have then mentioned on the Genesis preview that will go up tomorrow. Patience, chap. Patience.

      And the good first match screams of WCW.

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