Keep firing, assholes!: TNA Impact 7/8/10

Though TNA has been pushing it’s next great plan with the coming of ‘They’ over the past few weeks, they decided to scale it back for a week and actually promote their PPV.  I know – I was surprised too.  In the main event picture, Mr. Anderson took a moment to apologize for cracking Jeff Hardy last week with a chair.  Hardy came out and pretty much accepted that, but warned against it happening again.  Anderson revealed that the two had a match for the night and said that he would be bringing the chair.  If either used it on the other, they would then know that there was a problem between the two of them.

During the match itself, Hardy capitalized on a missed move and hit the Twist of Fate for the win.  This, of course, brought out Abyss with his ‘girl’ (the nail board he made last week), but before he could swing it, referee Brian Hebner yanked it from him and removed it from the ring.  He couldn’t be bothered to get it away from the area, though, and simply dropped it on the ramp right outside the ring.  Hell, he didn’t even make Abyss go to the arena floor for it.  Abyss reclaimed the weapon and took a swing at Anderson, but mistakenly lodged it into the turnbuckle pad.  Rob Van Dam then arrived and the three faces took turns beating on Abyss.  At one point, Hardy was standing behind Abyss and Anderson came up with a chair, but he yelled at Hardy to move and hit the monster rather than his fellow Charismatic Asshole (ugh).

RVD didn’t simply have run-in duty, though, as he took on Samoa Joe for the first time ever.  And I know that it was the first time ever because the commentators brought it up approximately 3 billion times.  And while you’d think that the first ever meeting between the two would be the type of high profile match you’d want to save for PPV, TNA gave it away for free on Impact for no apparent reason.  The match ended when Joe put RVD in a headlock only to have it turned over into a pinfall.  You would think that Joe would have simply let go when he heard the mat being smacked, but no such luck.  He pretty much headlocked himself out of the match.

Not amused, brother.

Samoa Joe hit the Muscle Buster on the ref after the match for not smacking the mat louder, I’m assuming.

  • In one of their precious little backstage “shoot-style” bits, AJ Styles griped about having to prove himself to Ric Flair and mentioned that they would regret putting him in a match with Kazarian.  AJ seems to have forgotten that he was the one that made the challenge.
  • Styles and Kazarian had a fantastic match with an un-fantastic ending when referee Earl Hebner counted both participants out after a sweet diving move.  Flair came in and told the two to knock it off, saying that the fans were dividing them.  He seems to have forgotten that he’s been dissing AJ for like a month and a half.  Flair went on to say that Styles and Kazarian would be tagging at Victory Road, but neglected to say against whom.
  • Daffney returned to no fanfare whatsoever as she simply became cannon fodder for Angelina Love.  After the match, Madison Rayne came out and (predictably) challenged Love to put her career on the line at Victory Road.  Love agreed, but said that if the other Beautiful People get involved at all, Rayne would forfeit the title.
  • During the match, the ECW crew came out and sat in the crowd.  Again, nothing came of this, though Mike Tenay was far more interested in them than the Knockouts.
  • Brother Devon and Ink, Inc. again questioned why Brother Ray was being such a dick, which brought him out to announce a triple threat match at Victory Road: Brother Ray vs. Jesse Neal vs. Brother Devon.
  • To answer Brian Kendrick’s submission match last week, Douglas Williams took on Jeremy Buck in a ladder match and…lost?  Say whaaaaaat?
  • Alex Shelly did a public service announcement against Beer Money, showing what their lifestyle had done to Chris Sabin.  It was pretty amusing.
  • The Motor City Machine Guns and Hernandez took on Beer Money, Inc. and Matt Morgan in an excellent match.  Morgan took off to avoid Hernandez with “Super Mex” hot on his heels.  Shelley looked to finish off the match with a cross body off the top rope onto Robert Roode, but Roode rolled through for the pin.
  • Both Kurt Angle and D’Angelo Dinero had brief segments in which they praised each other.  Dinero again warned against trusting Anderson.
  • Kevin Nash was sitting in a meeting room griping about having to answer to Eric Bischoff about his actions over the past months.  Hulk Hogan entered and complained about the shenanigans involved in securing Scott Hall and Syxx contracts (note that both are now gone).  Nash questioned how it was different than Hogan bringing in the Nasty Boys, to which Hogan replied “It’s different this time.  That’s the difference.”  Bischoff never showed up.
  • Jay Lethal promised to rip Ric Flair’s heart out at Victory Road (worth the price of the show right there), and Flair came out and gave some dynamic mic work against him.  The only bad part was that Flair badly upstaged Lethal with his rant.
  • Quote of the night, when Ric Flair mentioned that a robe he wore at WrestleMania was in the Smithsonian, he defined the museum as a place “for dead people or people that are real famous.”  He does have a point there.

Looking Back
Okay, now that I’ve typed it all out, I realize that there was a lot of logic gaps involved with this week’s episode.  In other words, it was a common episode of Impact.  There was no mention from Abyss about “they” and zero interaction between Hogan and Abyss.  Sting was talked about, but no Eric Bischoff.  But if nothing else, this episode showed the lack of cognitive thought used by whoever writes this stuff.  For example, they seem to want Mr. Anderson to be perceived to be having questionable motives, yet nothing he does warrants that.  Last week’s chair shot to Jeff Hardy was clearly an accident, and nothing done by anyone has made it seem like it wasn’t.  This makes the Pope look bad, as he keeps badmouthing Anderson not accepting his face turn.  That would work if Anderson was doing any heelish things anymore, but he simply isn’t.

Putting RVD vs. Samoa Joe on TV was, in my opinion, a huge waste of an opportunity.  That being said, while Mike Tenay and Taz praised it as an amazing match, I found it to be kind of dull.  The problem was the lack of tension and excitement in the match.  Samoa Joe has no storyline – he simply is there.  Thus it means nothing if he wins or loses.  RVD is the champion, thus he wouldn’t be losing.  But since Joe is being booked as unstoppable, you have to book a fluke if you want him to lose.  Thus the headlock finish.

And a word about the Kevin Nash thing.  Okay, so since Scott Hall has been booted from the company for his actions, Hogan and Bischoff are punishing Nash for bringing him in to begin with.  Remind me who it was that allowed Hall and Syxx to be booked in a match with contracts on the line to begin with.  Nash doesn’t have that authority, right?  So what if it was all a ruse?  Had it not been booked, it wouldn’t have happened.  And if they could have just fired Hall the entire time, why is this an issue?  I also loved that Kevin Nash was wearing a Hogan shirt while grumbling about Bischoff.  He did do a pretty fun Kevin Sullivan impression, though.  The Dungeon of Doom was pretty lame.

  • There are some nights where you can tell that Ric Flair is simply phoning it in, but this wasn’t one of them.  He seems to really be into his feud against Jay Lethal.
  • Welcome back, Daffney.  Hope you can stick around longer than Roxxi.
  • I don’t get Madison Rayne’s position.  She’s putting up her title because she’s contractually bound to do so.  The challenger doesn’t have to put anything up.  They won the damn title match.
  • I also don’t get Angelina’s excitement about her stipulation.  She took out both BP members herself.
  • I also don’t get why they bother mentioning requesting stipulations from the ‘Championship Committee’ when both can simply add stipulations whenever they want.
  • The ECW group is eventually going to have to do something, or we’re all going to quit caring.
  • Man, Brother Ray’s an asshole.
  • I simply can’t understand the logic of having Jeremy Buck – one half of a jobber tag team – defeating the X-Division champion.
  • But then again, I also can’t understand the logic of having a ladder match with nothing at stake.  Once again, TNA completely misses the point of gimmick matches.
  • The Motor City Machine Guns need to be on TV each and every week, preferably talking.
  • The lack of Angle and Dinero bits does not make me excited about their match.

Unamused Hollywood Ranking: 14



3 Responses to Keep firing, assholes!: TNA Impact 7/8/10

  1. manof1004gimmicks says:

    At least it sounds like TNA is back to being watchable on a regular basis again.

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