7/30 Smackdown: “What We Have Learned”

These are some of the things- good, bad, and ugly- that the Smackdown universe learned this past Friday from the show:

“Broken Code”: Team Lay-Cool d. Tiffany (Women’s Title Match). We learned a couple of things in this match: 1) The “Freebird Rule” works in the Women’s Division and 2) Tiffany is terrible in the ring. The original match was Tiffany vs. Layla but SD Consultant Vickie Guerrero changed it- she said that since there were co-Women’s Champions, Michelle McCool should defend. It was a brutal match, which McCool mercifully ended with a Faithbreaker. I’ll give props to Michelle McCool, though: she was an absolute clown at the start of the match, doing push-ups, shadow boxing with Layla’s Title, and other goofiness… not to mention her very wide split-leg pin. Teddy Long, after the match, told Lay-Cool that they had better decide who the Women’s Champion is by next week or he would pick for them.

“Match of the Night”: Dolph Ziggler d. Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston (DQ). I think both Vickie Guerrero and Dolph learned a valuable lesson in this match: do not tick off Kofi- Kofi smash. The stipulation of this match was that Dolph would get an IC Title shot on Smackdown next week if he beat Kofi… and both superstars threw everything they had into this match. Los of back-and-forth exchanges, with Dolph Ziggler focusing on Kofi Kingston’s neck and upper back while Kofi went with the hard strikes and aerial assault. About 12 minutes in, Vickie grabbed Kofi’s feet while he was against the ropes, causing him to get ZigZagged. When Kofi fell into the bottom rope, Vickie smacked him. Kofi then did something I haven’t seen in a wrestler in a while: he went completely apes**t on Dolph Ziggler. Complete and total mauling that the ref tried to stop 3 times but couldn’t, forcing him to DQ Kofi. Mr. Ziggles ended up having close encounters with the announce desk (and Matt Striker), the floor, and the barrier. What did we learn, kiddies? Don’t slap Kofi.

Main Event: No DQ- Rey Mysterio vs. Jack Swagger. This wasn’t NEARLY as good of a match as they had at Money in the Bank, but it still was intense. Kurt Angle Jack Swagger, earlier in the night, threatened to break both of Rey’s arms, both of his legs, “drag that nasty tequila worm” outside, and throw him in the Gulf of Mexico (SD was in Corpus Christi, Texas- the Gulf was across the street from the arena). However, Angle Jack Swagger learned a valuable lesson: be careful what you wish for. Rey favored his ankle (not as much as last week, though) and Swagger focused on it during much of the match. Rey had a little offense but not much. The match spilled outside then backstage, with Swagger in control- you know where this is leading. The fight eventually went into the street, dodging a couple of cars in the process. Ultimately, Swagger carried Rey down to the beach front, tried to throw him in… only to have Rey counter. Rey ended up throwing Jack into the Gulf; apparently Swagger can’t swim b/c he said it about 6 or 7 times. Rey watched him struggle for a few moments then turned away… right into Kane’s waiting hand. Kane then chokeslammed/threw Rey into the water with a still struggling Swagger as SD went off the air. The last 3 minutes were definitely better than the 1st 15 minutes of the match.

Other happenings:

-Kane blamed Rey Mysterio for the Undertaker’s condition. Kane said that Taker told him that Rey was the one that attacked him. This led to the attack at the end of the show. Poor Rey….

Christian d. Drew McIntyre. Lesson learned: All it takes is 3 seconds for a win. This match was absolutely dominated by McIntyre. McIntyre tried to break Christian’s left arm and wrist throughout the match- throwing him into the ringpost, slamming his arm into the metal ring supports lining the bottom of the ring, various arm breakers/DDTs- but Christian wins the match with a small package counter of McIntyre’s Future Shock. A very entertaining match!

-“Dashing” Cody Rhodes now has a vignette entitled “Rhodes’ Grooming Tips”, where he gives out tips to help men become “dashing” like him. This week: Cody has a facial done to remove unsightly pores and blemishes. Lessons learned: 1) Cody Rhodes’s gimmick just took a turn for the worse, 2) #1 seemed darn near impossible a week ago, 3) some writers should be reprimanded for that vignette.

-Alberto Del Rey had 2 more promos. **Yawn**

Big Show d. Luke Gallows. There is dissention in the ranks of the Straight Edged Society. Specifically, there is a lot of anger by C.M. Punk towards the other members. He blamed Luke Gallows for his elbow injury, blamed both Gallows and Joey Joseph Mercury for him being de-masked (when Mercury pointed out that he also lost his mask, Punk mocked him), and said that they all were worthless. Show dominated this match but was attacked by the SES when the match went outside. SES then tried to break Big Show’s hand; judging by the video that was shown a few moments later of Show’s hand, they may have done it. SES did learn a lesson, I think: “you are more successful against the Big Show if you don’t wear a mask.”

“Superstar of the Night”: this wasn’t an obvious of choice as weeks past. No one really stood head and shoulders above the rest. However, Kofi Kingston deserves the award for his absolute rampage through Dolph Ziggler.

“Fragments”- the lesson for anyone on this list: win a match, don’t have a stupid gimmick, show up on SD every once in a while, and you will avoid this list:

4) Shad Gaspard. Someone of his size, strength, and mic skills should not be wasting away in Florida Championship Wrestling.

3) “Dashing” Cody Rhodes”. He hasn’t wrestled on SD in weeks… now he’s relegated to promos. Not good.

2) Chavo Guerrero. I will give him credit- he did have a pretty decent match against MVP on Superstars this past Thursday. That’s still not enough to get him off the list.

1) JTG. Both former members of Cryme Tyme are on the list- can you say “mistaken tag-team break up by the writers”? No clue where JTG’s been since his loss to Cody Rhodes a few weeks ago.

Next week on Smackdown, there will be an Intercontinental Title match between Kofi Kingston and Dolph Ziggler. Stay tuned!

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