A ripe old mess: TNA Impact 12/2/10

Just days before Final Resolution, one question was lingering at least someone’s mind (probably) – who would Matt Morgan’s special referee be for his title match against Jeff Hardy? Would it be Douglas Williams, who volunteered for the job last week? Would it be rookie referee extraordinaire Jackson James, but not because he’s the son of Eric Bischoff?

The latter situation seemed likely after the opening clusterfuck involving a four team tag match (more on that later) ended with Beer Money taking a loss and blaming the referee for it. And they had a point – after Robert Roode got into his face, it did seem that James gave Shannon Moore of Ink, Inc. a fast count. Matt Morgan stopped the onslaught from Fortune by catching Ric Flair off-guard and threatening to “choke the life” out of him if Fortune laid a hand on the referee. Seriously – he literally threatened to murder Ric Flair to protect the referee who cost him the world title.

This came to a head later in the show (but not the main event spot, which was reserved for Jeff Jarrett) when Morgan was set to defeat the still contract-less Rhino, only to be attacked by Fortune (who in their infinite wisdom, gave him the win via DQ). This brought out Rob Van Dam to brawl with Rhino, but also Jeff Hardy who was looking to crack Morgan in the back of the head with a chair. Out for the surprise save was Mr. Anderson, who scared off the five of wrestling’s elite with a lead pipe (much like the one Mr. Green used in the conservatory). Anderson took the referee spot, and we have ourselves a PPV.

Rest of the show after the jump.

  • Impact kicked off its taped program in the middle of a four-team tag match between the Motor City Machine Guns, Generation Me, Ink, Inc and Beer Money. Well, I’m assuming it was a tag match, as all eight men were all over the place. Generation Me and the Guns wailed on each other with chairs and ladders (in clear view of the referee), then promptly vanished so the other two teams could have a tag match. Ink, Inc. picked up the win.
  • Ric Flair spent the match on commentary, letting us all know that Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff were at “law offices all over the world” to challenge Dixie Carter’s injunction that I didn’t see her slap them with last week on Reaction.
  • As Mickie James announced that she would be performing her theme song live, Orlando Jordan and Eric Young arrived to tell her that Young could play the cowbell. Just like that one sketch you liked so much!
  • To the surprise of absolutely no one, Tara attacked Mickie during her performance and the two brawled. Or at least Tara did – Mickie spent most of the time holding up her shirt after its straps gave way.
  • Douglas Williams defeated Kazarian for about the eleven millionth time.
  • Brother Devon called out Brother Ray and the two had a pretty excellent confrontation that also involved Taz. Ray refused to enter the ring, so Devon went after him, only for Ray to pull SoCal Val in between them before hightailing it.
  • Backstage, D’Angelo Dinero called Samoa Joe the stupidest Samoan he’s ever met in his life. Somebody’s been reading the 1/8th Nelson.
  • Sarita inexplicably won another match over Knockouts champion Madison Rayne, with Angelina Love also in the match.
  • Madison entered on the back of Tara’s motorcycle, which of course led Tara to be attacked by Mickie James for more brawling.
  • Angelina, back after a week of being a heel, once again was sobbing, only to have Winter tell her that together they would be unbeatable.
  • Ric Flair told Rhino that he basically has no time to worry about his future. Ruh roh.
  • Backstage, there was more brawling between Mickie James and Tara.
  • Robbie E faced off against Jay Lethal in a Fist Bump contest. After Robbie put forth a mighty effort, Lethal took the opportunity to fist bump Robbie in the face. The two brawled backstage, until Robbie hid behind virtually unused interviewer Christy Hemme, which didn’t sit well with Cookie. Cookie and Christy brawled for a while. When I changed the channel back, Robbie E was standing over Jay Lethal.
  • The main event saw Jeff Jarrett and Abyss defeat Samoa Joe and D’Angelo Dinero by Joe’s stupidity DQ. While the ref was down, Jarrett grabbed his guitar and went for El Kabong, but Joe smashed the guitar, sending Jarrett scurrying. Unfortunately, Joe decided to pick up the handle of the guitar, which is what the ref saw and DQ’d him for the shot that didn’t touch anyone.
  • After the match, there was more brawling towards Dinero’s Abyss’s casket, which SURPRISE! Kurt Angle popped out of to end the show.

Looking Back
Surprisingly enough, TNA actually used a go-home show to promote their PPV. This was unheard of just a few months ago. Unfortunately, they really don’t have the process down, as the show was all over the place. The only straight forward story just happens to be the PPVs main event – which is a plus for once. Unfortunately, that’s been overshadowed largely by the feud between Jeff Jarrett and Samoa Joe. And by feud, I mean Jeff Jarrett talking and Samoa Joe losing.

I thought for sure that the special referee was going to be Jackson James. This ref has gotten more face time over the past month’s Impacts than more than half of the TNA roster. The choice of Mr. Anderson was a far better option and I’m happy they went with it. I doubt I’ll be so happy when either Anderson or James betrays Morgan and joins Immortal.

Before I get to the bullet points (which are going to be kind of lengthy this week), I have to again hit on how much the commentary is dragging this show down. Mike Tenay is supposed to be a babyface commentator. He roots for the good guys, decries cheating and all that. Taz is a tweener (I suppose) who has roots in ECW and sticks with his friends, and usually does what’s right. Yet with Ric Flair (one of the company’s biggest heels) on commentary to kick off the show, both Tenay and Taz were laughing and joking with him. Taz even dissed EV2 to get a laugh out of Flair. Yet when Fortune attacked the referee after the match, Tenay was back to yelling about how awful it was. Their work didn’t get much better throughout the night. Taz has taken Mike Tenay’s place of announcing things TNA probably doesn’t want fans to notice, like Fortune using a four finger signal with five members. He called it a diss on Douglas Williams.

Anyway…

  • It’s pretty bad to start a taped show in the middle of a match (especially when you’re saving time for three Mickie James/Tara brawls). It’s worse when you start it when the tag match has already devolved into a…well, brawl. TNA was trying to promote two separate matches for the PPV while trying to pretend that they weren’t simply giving away the exact same things on free TV. It didn’t help that Generation Me and the Motor City Machine Guns were using weapons on each other and not getting disqualified, or that they simply vanished midway through the match. When Beer Money re-entered the ring and started tagging again, it looked ridiculous.
  • Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff are kind of wasting their time if they’re seeking international help for a case in United States courts. Better than wasting the rest of our time, I suppose.
  • As much as TNA tries to jam him down my throat, I still don’t give a crap about a “rookie” referee, just like I didn’t care about the one a few years ago that wrestled. Bischoff’s son or not.
  • I wish Eric Young and Orlando Jordan would wrestle. Or something.
  • By this point, the brawling between Mickie James and Tara doesn’t do anything for either character. There is nothing at stake between the two, and no one’s even bothering to give a reason as to why the two of them are fighting anymore. They’re just doing it to do it.
  • Next time you plan to brawl, Mickie, you may want to find a shirt that doesn’t come apart easily. Or just let your goods fly.
  • Someone please explain to me why Fortune booted Douglas Williams but kept Kazarian. Williams is now like 45-1 against him.
  • Last week I commented that I was bored with the Team 3D feud, but once Devon got into it, it became good. Devon is the much better talker of the two. The only problem with this promo is that it went on for far too long. Both men were repeating themselves for the third time before it finally ended.
  • What is the deal with the sort-of feud between Madison Rayne and Sarita? Madison’s the biggest heel of the Knockouts, so in theory Sarita would need to be the babyface of the program – yet she’s still kind of acting like a heel herself. This doesn’t seem to be leading to anything, since it was Mickie James who won the #1 contendership a few weeks ago…and proceeded to ignore it.
  • Looks like Angelina Love and Winter may be the next team to win the Knockouts tag belts and disappear for months. We miss you, Hamada.
  • But if Love and Winter are going to be teaming, where does that leave Velvet Skye? They just reunited the Beautiful People, after all.
  • So it looks like Rhino still doesn’t have a contract, which begs the question why he betrayed EV2 to begin with. And now with Dixie Carter’s injunction, Immortal can’t give him one. Not that they’d want to – he’s been doing nothing but losing since his turn.
  • Fortune may well be the stupidest stable ever. They prevented Matt Morgan’s pinfall win to give him a DQ win. Samoa Joe would be a welcome addition.
  • I absolutely hate Robbie E’s gimmick, but I do have to say I like the energy he puts forth into it. The man can definitely perform – I just wish he wasn’t saddled with such a horrible persona.
  • There’s nothing redeeming about Cookie. Please make her shut the hell up.
  • Could we see Christy Hemme back in the ring? Her job has virtually evaporated as a backstage interviewer in favor of the “reality” vignettes.
  • Kurt Angle has learned from D’Angelo Dinero the trick of teleporting into a casket. Sure, it’s a neat visual, but it doesn’t work with either of their characters. Hell, it’s a stretch when the likes of the Undertaker or Kane do it, but at least the two of them are supposed to be “supernatural” characters.

So are you excited about Final Resolution? No, me neither.

Match Results

  • Ink, Inc. (Shannon Moore & Jesse Neal) def. Beer Money, Inc.(James Storm & Robert Roode), Generation Me (Max & Jeremy Buck), The Motor City Machine Guns (Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin)
  • Douglas Williams def. Kazarian
  • Sarita def. Angelina Love, Madison Rayne
  • Matt Morgan def. Rhino by DQ
  • Jeff Jarrett & Abyss def. Samoa Joe & D’Angelo Dinero by DQ
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